Friday, March 26, 2010

Heaven Lies

Underneath the feet of your mothers :)
I never realized how motherhood is really uniquely hard until lately.
I've been in the obstetric and gynaecology department (obsgyn) for 5 weeks now, and here i found it different from the other departments I've been through.

, for me, I've always been interested in this field of study because I really think pregnancy and baby delivery is a miraculous process. Like you literally create a LIFE out of nothing (well, God creates life, through us). I mean it is really your choice, to unite the sperms and the ovum to form a zygote, a baby to be. Here in obsgyn you learn how to manage the pregnancy, which is clearly your choice, to make it safe until the time of delivery, making sure the moms and the babies get through the process alive and healthy, and happy.

Two, you witness so many different emotions here and there, from the moment a couple comes to you with the wife's late period, you can see from their faces, some are really expecting, for it's their first or second babies to be, some others expecting you to tell them it's not true, for they've already got eight ungrown kiddos at home. For you, to be the one breaking the news, you'll learn how to deal with all of those responses. Once you tell them there is a heartbeat inside, you 360 degree-ly change their life from then on :) You can almost burst to tears of happiness along with them, yet you can also feel pity from unexpected babies. This is what you call empathy, something you learn by doing. Something some other professions than doctors don't get. You learn how to control yourself, not letting it change into sympathy, nor to judgement and assumption.

Three, you see how mothers really struggle for the sake of their babies. How fathers will do anything to keep mommies and babies to be safe. How annoying they become, so talkative and so critical asking this and that, just to make sure their babies are okay. You will smile watching this, for you'll remember how your mom and dad treated you and worried about you back then before and when you were a baby:) And witnessing the process of delivery, there is no other thing in the world shows greater love and sacrifice. This is one only scene where somebody is on unimaginable pain but undescribably happy. This is, true love.

Four is the most unpleasant thing. Witnessing them losing their babies. Happens everytime, to find their wombs are once again empty. No further words. It is just the saddest thing you'll ever watch. To see the glow in their eyes fading, the curve on their lips turning down, the tears they try to hide. You cannot hug them though you want to. You cannot cry with them though you want to. It's professionalism. You can only smile and hold their hands. No words can describe.

So I'm really looking forward to learn further about obsgyn. For I feel my calling here. I don't know what will happen, for the near future is still waiting, the internship and all, but hopefully I can reach my dream, to help God creating more cheerful and happy lives, to reduce the unnecessary amounts of those He has to take back :)

Oiya, here, meet the greatest parents in the world :)

No word can describe how grateful I am to God for letting me have them.
No word can describe my love for them, and I know it is nothing, compared to their love for me.

"Ya Allah, forgive me my sins, and the sins of my parents, have mercy on them both as they have looked after me when I was little"

Friday, March 12, 2010


Let me tell you it is not the wisest idea. Okay, time ticks away like hell and with all the hectic schedules there are something here n there I haven't managed to finish. Let's list down the things i gotta do....
1. Submitting the internal medicine paper about typhoid fever, handwritten!!! OH PUHLEASE... this is the era of technology mameeeenn.... okay you want to prevent us from the copy-paste thingy, but let me tell u, what I'll do is rewrite my copy-pasted printed paper, muhahahahhahaaa. They're not gonna read it anyway! Oiya, fyi, I got this extra ass as a punishment because I forgot to sign the presence paper before morning report, so I'm reminding you guys who haven't passed internal medicine department, don't forget to sign before the report starts, everyday from mon to fri at 8 o clock sharp!

2. Retaking the odontogram photos for forensic department
Aaaaargghh another silly mistake! So in this department beside all the visum et repertum n autopsy reports and the referat presentation, all the clinical posting seniors have to submit their own odontogram, means close up photos of your teeth from the front and side view, upper and lower jaw, and they don't want blurred photos, they don't want shadow, not too much light, blah2, they have to be able to see what you write in the odontogram report from your photos. We have submitted that long long time ago then suddenly they called us and told us the photos weren't good enough so we have to retake them. Aaaaaarggghh!

3. Making powerpoint for GELS teaching exam tomorrow
Okay, this is the priority. The exam is tomorrow and i need a 10min powerpoint presentation for my teaching exam and I don't even have the material :( sigh sigh sigh!

4. Asking for the supervisor of Interna 1 ward to sign my case report before submitting it to the secretariat.

5. Study, study, study... I haven't even finished reading the phantom book and the PDT, and it is the end of 3rd week already in obsgyn department!! since I won't be able to study optimally during the last 3 weeks (it's Tambakrejo and 2 weeks of VK) so i got 2 weeks left! Help!

Yeayeayeah I think that should be all for now, I have to start making the powerpoint for tomorrow... Wish me luck everybody! 1 moral, for all of you the soon-will-be clinical posting senior, or you who are already a clinical posting senior, or well, simply for everybody, it is not a good idea to procrastinate! You are just putting a bigger burden for later by doing so, and trust me, the result won't be good when you're doing all at once. I know it's hard, but we have to try. You can put some things on hold, pend this and that, not doing it right ahead, but it is called planning, and by the time you promised you'll do that, do that. Or else you see what's happening to me. So see y'all!!

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~Don Marquis

You may delay, but time will not. ~Benjamin Franklin

Saturday, March 6, 2010


It is what I have to admit my mood to be just like.

One time I am so happy, the next second I'll be mad as hell.
I can go from laughter to tears like in a flash.
From ecstatic to meltdown, from summer to winter, in a blink of an eye.
Now who's to blame?
I am sorry for those around me who have to be the victims.
But how am i supposed to control this?
I can't handle canceled plan, sudden changes of things, but they do happen! all the time.
And aren't I supposed to be used to it?
But why still it annoys me every now and then?
Oh and I'm not good at pretending and faking so once my mood is ruined, it broadcasts.
I'm such a selfish, I need to change :(

The highest roller coaster in the world: Kingda Ka; Jackson,NJ,USA: 456 feet /139m height - really wish to go there :) For comparison, Halilintar in Dufan, Jakarta, Indonesia is less than 33 m height (wow)